Secrets

"Would you like some juice?" I set the pitcher of orange juice on the table and inwardly applaud myself for not spilling any. I'm getting stronger and I can feel it every day.

Oliver mumbles and picks up a piece of toast and butters it. I frown at his bent head and start to say something... anything when Liam tosses his spoon to the floor with a squeal of laughter. I sigh and bend over to pick up the spoon and hand Liam mine and put his dirty spoon in the sink. I can feel Oliver's eyes on me and I turn to meet his gaze. I see a myriad of emotions swirling in those cerulean depths and my first instinct is to run my hand through his hair and talk to him... but that was before.

A mental wall as gone up between us since I told him I wanted to wait for us to get married. I've tried to talk to him about it many times since then, but he closes up and refuses to speak about it. It's like he's turned a switch and his emotions towards me are turned off. The only time he's not distant with me is in the darkness when he makes love to me. He's not cold then.

I wipe my nervous hands on the towel next to the sink and hope that Oliver doesn't notice. I'm feeling a bit on edge today with everything that's been happening. Harry being lost in the depths of Gringott's, Susan and Hannah... I choke back a ragged breath and press my hand against my mouth. The image of Susan lying in the hospital and Hannah lying in a grave torments me and I rush from the room and barely make it to the loo before the meager contents of my breakfast make an appearance. I lay there gagging and shuddering, gasping for air as the room swims in front of my eyes. I sag against the cool tile of the floor and press my sweaty face against it hoping to become numb. To stop these swirls of emotion raging through me. Praying for peace.

I feel dampness against my cheek and wonder if I'm crying. I open my eyes and see Oliver leaning over me pressing a wet cloth against my flushed face. Liam is peeking around Oliver's crouched form, a small frown on his face.

"Sick?" Liam slips around Oliver and places his little hand on my forehead and I feel a wave of tenderness wash over me as I smile at him.

"All better now," I tell him and he grins at me and then pats my cheek. He goes back to Oliver and wraps his arms around Oliver's leg before he's lifted up in the air and I see the unguarded look on Oliver's face and feel my heart clench painfully. Did I make a mistake in asking him to wait? Should I have said yes? With everything that's been going on...

"Harry should be here soon," Oliver mutters as he exits the loo. I lower my head back to the tile and curse roundly. I'm happy Harry is all right. Justin flooed Oliver and I from St. Mungo's earlier and told us that Harry had been rescued and visited Susan at the hospital. I'm just so on edge lately with everything that's happened. It was a bit of a surprise to receive Harry's owl requesting to see us.

A few minutes later I exit the loo after refreshing myself. I change my clothes and put a simple set of black robes on to meet with Harry. I'm not sure what will happen and why he's decided to come here and speak with both me and Oliver, it might have something to do with Phoenix House since Susan is still in St. Mungo's.

Liam is busy playing with his blocks and knocking them down as he likes to do. Oliver is sitting at the table finishing his coffee and perusing the paper. I sit on the couch and check the clock ticking slowly above the fireplace. It's almost time.

The clock chimes the hour and there's a knock at the door. I stand quickly and smoothe down the front of my robes. I glance at Oliver who sets his cup down and goes to the front door. I take a deep breath and try to calm my sudden bout of nervousness. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I added up the expenses wrong and Harry's here to fire me. I stamp down on that train of thought and plaster a welcoming smile on my face as Oliver opens the door.

Harry steps into the foyer and greets Oliver warmly. He steps into the sitting area and I can see him quickly scan the room before his eyes fall on Liam. He smiles and kneels down to ruffle Liam's hair and gets a rumbling laugh in return. Harry stands and comes forward holding out his hand.

"Lavender," Harry holds my hand in his. "It's so good to see you. How have you been?"

"Fine," I gesture to the couch and Harry takes a seat. "Much better now. Thank you. Would you like some coffee or tea?"

"No thanks," Harry runs his hand through his permanently messy hair and it stands up in spikes on his head. His eyes are tired and there are worry lines on his forehead. He absently pushes his glasses further up his nose and rubs his hand over his jaw. I sit on one of the flanking chairs and Oliver takes up the other.

Harry seems to be lost in thought and I fidget a bit in my seat. "I'm sorry Harry," I blurt out.

Harry looks up, startled and his face shows his confusion. I barrell on. "If there was something I did wrong, I want to apologize. My mind hasn't been completely on my work lately and with Susan..."

"What? No. Not at all. I actually came here for an entirely different reason." I sit and wait expectantly for Harry to continue. It's obviously very important.

"Have either of you ever heard of The Order of the Phoenix?" I bite my lip in concentration as I think back, past the invisible barrier of the night of the attacks and go further. "No," I say with all honesty. "I've never heard of it."

"Neither have I," Oliver rumbles next to me. I look over and see that his total focus is on Harry. I return my attention back to Harry.

Harry quickly explains the origins of The Order and I listen fascinated. I had no idea that the organization that Harry is speaking about helped bring about the fall of two dark wizards. I find myself leaning forward as I absorb this information.

"What does this have to do with me and Lavender?" Oliver questions. Harry leans back into the couch and adjusts his glasses again. "Are you asking for us to join?"

"Yes." Harry answers simply. I sit back in my chair and feel the air leave my lungs with a whoosh. To say I'm surprised is a bit of a understatement.

"What could I contribute?" Oliver asks folding his arms across his chest. "I'm only a Quidditch player."

"You're a brilliant strategist. You designed all the plays for the Gryffindor team and I know you help plan the ones for Puddlemere. Also, I know you've been training with Justin." Harry stands and begins to pace in front of the couch, hands clasped behind his back. "There is a new threat looming and it's Lucius Malfoy. He's behind all the attacks."

Oliver nods and goes silent. Harry looks over at me and I stare back at him mute.

"Also, Lavender you were in the DA. You've learned how to fight. " Harry sits again on the couch and steeples his fingers beneath his chin as he waits for my reply.

"I haven't been in the DA for a long time Harry," I say quietly. "What good will I be? I've been gaining strength, but I'm not a fighter."

"I know you can hold your own. I heard you held off about six Death Eaters at Phoenix House." Harry states casually.

I can feel the color drain out of my face at his words. I still don't remember what happened that night and I clench my hands together in my lap to still their tremors.

"You can also gather intelligence," Harry continues. "It's not all about fighting. We need to get as much information as we can if we're going to win."

I muse over what Harry has said and see Oliver is doing the same. I turn to watch Liam continue to build with his blocks and I can't help but wonder who his parents were and how they died. Were they Death Eaters? Victims of them? What thoughts went through their heads before they died? Did they think of Liam? Hope that he would survive and be able to grow up in world void of destruction and violence?

What kind of influence would Oliver and I be if we didn't fight for our very existence? Didn't I stand back and let others do the fighting for me once before? Where was my Gryffindor courage then?

I straighten my spine and look directly at Harry. "I'm in." I say emphatically. I see the spark of approval in his green eyes before he turns them to Oliver.

"Me too," Oliver announces. I reach over and grab his hand and feel the welcoming squeeze of his fingers around mine. Whatever happens, we'll be all right. I know it.

"Excellent," Harry grins at both of us. "How are your Patronus Charms?"